Bullies and Faggots...

The crew of two small Navy craft are being held by Iran, but American officials have received assurances from Tehran that the crew and vessels will be returned safely and promptly.

* AND... Er... HOW EXACTLY DID THAT HAPPEN? DID OUR GUYS JUST... SURRENDER... WITHOUT A FIGHT? AND IF SO... ON WHOSE AUTHORITY?

Pentagon spokesman Peter Cook told The Associated Press that the boats were moving between Kuwait and Bahrain when the U.S. lost contact with them.

"We have been in contact with Iran and have received assurances that the crew and the vessels will be returned promptly," Cook said.

WHY HASN'T EVER WARSHIP UNDER IRANIAN FLAG BEEN SUNK?! WELL...???

U.S. officials said that the incident...

* "INCIDENT...?!?!"

...happened near Farsi Island...

* REMEMBER HAINAN ISLAND, FOLKS? (IF NOT... GOOGLE IT.)

* IT'S FUNNY... (WELL... SAD AND PATHETIC "FUNNY"); JUST YESTERDAY I WAS HAVING A BACK AND FORTH WITH A FB FRIEND ABOUT OUR FLYING A B-52 CLOSE TO THE NORTH KOREAN BORDER/AIRSPACE AS A "SIGN OF STRENGTH." I TOLD THIS GUY THAT IT WASN'T A SIGN OF STRENGTH. A SIGN OF STRENGTH WOULD HAVE BEEN TO FLY THE DAMNED B-52 RIGHT OVER PYONGYANG! BUT THIS... THIS IRAN "INCIDENT"... WE'RE PUSSIES. WE'RE REAL "TOUGH" AGAINST THIRD-WORLD TRIBESMEN... BUT WHEN IT COMES TO DEFENDING OUR HONOR AND OUR OWN SHIPS... NAH... LET'S "NEGOTIATE" - AFTER THEY CAPTURE OUR SHIPS AND TAKE OUR MEN PRISONER.

* I'M... ASHAMED... OF MY COUNTRY... OF WHAT MY COUNTRY HAS BECOME.

...situated in the middle of the Persian Gulf. They say it stemmed from some type of mechanical trouble with one of the boats, causing them to run aground. The troops were picked up by Iran.

* GIVE ME A FRIGGIN' BREAK! I DON'T BELIEVE THIS FOR A MOMENT!

* Er... FOLKS... "TWO SMALL NAVAL CRAFT!" TWO!

(*SMIRK*)

Secretary of State John Kerry, who has forged a personal relationship with Iranian Foreign Minister Mohammed Javad Zarif through three years of nuclear negotiations, called Zarif immediately on learning of the incident, according to a senior U.S. official.

Kerry "personally engaged with Zarif on this issue to try to get to this outcome," the official said.

Kerry learned of the incident around 12:30 p.m. EST as he and Defense Secretary Ash Carter were meeting their Filipino counterparts at the State Department, the official said.

This comes on the heels of an incident in late December when Iran launched a rocket test near U.S. warships and boats passing through the Strait of Hormuz.

The officials were not authorized to discuss the sensitive incident publicly so spoke on condition of anonymity.