Barker's Pre-Vacation Newsbites: Saturday, May 28, 2011

Actually...

(*SHRUG*)

I'm going to Carolina in a plane!

Barker's Newsbites: Friday, May 27, 2011

Now THIS a a God damned boy band...!

I plopped down in my easy chair and turned on Channel 2
A bad gunslinger called Salty Sam was chasin' poor Sweet Sue
He trapped her in the old sawmill and said with an evil laugh,
"If you don't give me the deed to your ranch - I'll saw you all in half!"

And then he grabbed her (and then?)

He tied her up (and then?)

He turned on the band-saw (and then... and then...?!)

And then along came Jones...
Tall... thin... Jones...
Slow-walkin' Jones; slow-talkin' Jones
Along came long, lean, lanky Jones...

Commercial came on, so I got up, to get myself a snack
You should've seen what was goin' on by the time that I got back
Down in that old abandoned mine, Sweet Sue was havin' fits
That villain said, "Give me the deed to your ranch - or I'll blow you all to bits!"

And then he grabbed her (and then?)

He tied her up (and then?)

He lit the fuse to the dynamite (and then... and then...?!)

And then along came Jones...
Tall... thin... Jones...
Slow-walkin' Jones; slow-talkin' Jones
Along came long, lean, lanky Jones...

I got so bugged I turned it off and turned on another show
But there was the same old shoot-'em-up and the same old rodeo
Salty Sam was tryin' to stuff Sweet Sue in a burlap sack
He said, "If you don't give me the deed to your ranch, I'm gonna throw you on the railroad tracks!"

And then he grabbed her (and then?)

He tied her up (and then?)

He threw her on the railroad tracks (and then?)

A train started comin' (and then... and then...?!)

And then along came Jones...!

Tall... thin... Jones...!

Slow-walkin' Jones... slow-talkin' Jones... along came long, lean, lanky Jones!
And along came long, lean, lanky Jones...!!!

Barker's Newsbites: Thursday, May 26, 2011

This should put a smile on your face...

(And if it doesn't... never return!)

Barker's Newsbites: Wednesday, May 25, 2011

It's good to be the Big Guy!

Seriously...

Just imagine how many fights have been avoided thanks to my God-given... er... stature!

Take yesterday for example:

Mary and I had to pick up a few items at Walmart. I was - as usual - in a good mood.

(Like my friend Colleen's late father used to say, "Who has it better than Bill Barker?!")

Anyway... as we wander through the store I'm singing Sinatra - specifically... "It Happened In Monterrey."

Great song, right?!

Well... this being the Monroe, NY Walmart fellow shoppers of... er... Hispanic descent are not uncommon.

So... we finish loading the cart and head for the registers. It's pretty crowded, but we get in line behind a gentleman, his wife, and their young daughter - perhaps five years old or so.

I'm singing!

They're... er... probably Mexican.

(*CHUCKLE WHICH TURNS INTO A BELLY LAUGH*)

The little girl is fascinated by this big guy singing... quite frankly, she had no idea what to make of me! The dad is just staring at me. The mom actually looks a bit nervous.

(*STILL LAUGHING AS I PICTURE IT*)

Me? I redouble my efforts to amuse the little girl! (Hey... I was in good voice... just sayin'...)

Finally Mary punches me in the shoulder and through gritted teeth snarls "shut up!"

I'm smiling. (Hey... this is me we're talking about!)

The little girl is still staring...

In my best "hail fellow, well met" voice I address her with "hiya, honey, how ya doin'?!" and start waving with my best "Bill grin."

The little girl smiles back but it's clear she's not used to jolly fellow shoppers serenading her!

The dad then speaks, saying to his daughter, "say hello to the nice man." He then smiles and says... quote... he "likes my sense of humor."

I give him the thumbs up, a wink, and a thanks for the compliment.

Folks... (*PAUSE*) (*SIGH*) (*CHUCKLE*)... it wasn't for a few moments till the meaning of his comment sunk in. I had been thinking to myself, "well... thanks for the compliment... but I was just singing... wasn't trying to be funny..."

Then it clicked!

This poor guy - and his wife, no doubt - must have thought I was being a wise guy and "addressing" the song to them as MEXICANS as opposed to me just being me and merrily singing a Sinatra song at near-full volume while strolling through Walmart!

(*LAUGHING OUT LOUD*)

I mean, think about it... imagine I'm 5'6" instead of 6'4"!

(*STILL LAUGHING*)

The moral of the story...?

It's good to be Bill!

Barker's Newsbites: Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Well, Good Mornin'...!!!

Happy Birthday, Fred...!!!

Love you!

DAD

Barker's Newsbites: Monday, May 23, 2011

No more "kicks" for Joplin, Missouri.

Folks... just because the world didn't end on Saturday night for most of us, the fact is that this nation and our people have been hit again and again by natural as well as man-made disasters over this decade.

The economy is not getting better. Nor will it until - or rather unless - we change course drastically.

Those filthy, rotten, incompetent, self-serving politicians in Washington and embedded within state and municipal governments across the country are destroying our country.

Our federal officials borrow 40-cents (at the very least!) of every dollar that Washington spends on the operating budget of the United States!

We've spent well over a trillion dollars in Iraq and Afghanistan and we continue to spend hundreds of billions yearly - nearly ten years after 9/11!

My God, people... the tornadoes this year... just so far...

The flooding...

And meanwhile... (*SIGH*)... where's the President of the United States...?

It's a nightmare, people.

Attention Dr. Nan Hayworth (R-NY-19)

Hiya Nan,

In case you miss this weekend's newsbites, I figure I'll "double post" this particular newsbite where hopefully it'll get your attention via you or a staffer searching the web for your name.

HERE WE GO...

In an effort to satisfy those arguing he needs to seek congressional authorization to continue US military activity in accordance with the War Powers Resolution, President Obama wrote a letter to congressional leaders this afternoon suggesting that the role is now so “limited” he does not need to seek congressional approval.

* IN ALL SERIOUSNESS, FOLKS, THE MAN SHOULD BE IMPEACHED. HE WON'T BE OF COURSE, BUT HE SHOULD BE. BASICALLY WHETHER ONE REVERES - AND ABIDES BY - THE CONSTITUTION, OR, WHETHER ONE (PARTICULARLY THOSE ON THE LEFT - AT LEAST IN THEORY... AT LEAST WHEN A REPUBLICAN IS PRESIDENT) TAKES THE POSITION THAT ABIDING BY THE WAR POWERS ACT IS THE "FUNCTIONAL EQUIVALENT" OF ABIDING BY THE CONSTITUTION WHEN IT COMES TO ISSUES OF WAR AND PEACE... (*SIGH*) (*PAUSE*)... THIS PRESIDENT IS EITHER IN DIRECT VIOLATION OF THE CONSTITUTION OR IN DIRECT VIOLATION OF THE WAR POWERS ACT. THERE'S SIMPLY NO WAY AROUND THIS!

From the beginning of the U.S. military intervention in Libya, the Obama administration has cited the 1973 War Powers Act as the legal basis of its ability to conduct military activities for 60 days without first seeking a declaration of war from Congress. The military intervention started on March 19; Congress was notified on March 21. Those 60 days [expired yesterday].

* FOLKS... THE REPUBLIC IS DEAD. THE CONSTITUTION IS DEAD. THE RULE OF LAW IS DEAD. THE FACT THAT CONGRESS AND THE JUDICIARY ALLOW THE PRESIDENT TO TRAMPLE ON THE RULE OF LAW DOES NOT IN ANY WAY MITIGATE THIS REALITY.

The president thanked the congressional leaders - House Speaker John Boehner, R-Ohio, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi, D-Calif., Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, D-Nev., and Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, R-Kentucky - for the support that they have “demonstrated for this mission and for our brave service members, as well as your strong condemnation of the Qaddafi regime.”

* FOLKS... FOR GOD'S SAKE... LEGAL AUTHORIZATION REQUIRES A FORMAL VOTE! THERE'S BEEN NONE! NOR HAS THERE EVEN BEEN THE FIG LEAF OF SPECIFIC FINANCING! (THE PRESIDENT HAS SIMPLY SHIFTED PREVIOUSLY APPROVED GENERAL FUNDS TO THIS LIBYAN OPERATION.)

The president voiced support for a bipartisan resolution drafted by Senators John Kerry, D-Mass., John McCain, R-Ariz., Carl Levin, D-Mich., Dianne Feinstein, D-Calif., Lindsey Graham, R-SC, and Joe Lieberman, I-Conn., stating that Congress “supports the U.S. mission in Libya and that both branches are united in their commitment to supporting the aspirations of the Libyan people for political reform and self-government…Congressional action in support of the mission would underline the U.S. commitment to this remarkable international effort.”

* FOLKS... (*SIGH*)... THIS SO-CALLED "RESOLUTION" HASN'T BEEN BROUGHT TO THE FLOOR... HASN'T BEEN ACTED UPON... DOES NOT HAVE THE FORCE OF LAW!

Earlier this month, Kerry - who chairs the Senate Foreign Relations Committee - described his resolution as “in limbo.”

(*SNORT*) FOLKS... AS I WAS SAYING... (*JUST SHAKING MY HEAD*)

Weekend Newsbites: Sat. & Sun., May 21 & 22, 2011

Inspiration for a man with Cadillac tastes and a Hyundai budget!

(And, yes... that man is moi!)

Barker's Newsbites: Friday, May 20, 2011

And now...

(*PAUSE*)

One of the most recognizable opening guitar riffs in all of rock and roll history!

Barker's Newsbites: Thursday, May 19, 2011

Folks...

(*PAUSE*)

Ya just never know what you're gonna find as the newsbite song of the day!

Barker's Newsbites: Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Remember when this represented America?

Barker's Newsbites: Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Why, yes... yes, you do!

Barker's Newsbites: Monday, May 16, 2011

It's not just a song...

It's a lifestyle...!!!

Weekend Newsbites: Sat. & Sun., May 14 & 15, 2011

Me, too, Garth... me too...!

Barker's Newsbites: Friday, May 13, 2011

Apart from this being yet another day of the Age of Obama...

(*SIGH*)

I'm in a pretty good mood!

"Must Read" for Congresswoman Nan Hayworth (R-NY-19)

From today's Wall Street Journal...

An op-ed by David B. Rivkin, Jr., and Lee Casey, who both served in the Department of Justice during the Reagan administration.

Congressional Republicans debating how to use the government's debt ceiling to control runaway federal spending should examine one of the Constitution's relatively obscure clauses: Section Four of the 14th Amendment.

Section Four can become a powerful hammer for the budget hawks if Congress simply reclaims its constitutional pre-eminence in the borrowing process.

[U]nlike most other sovereign states, the U.S. constitutionally cannot default on its financial obligations. In particular, it must continue to make payments, interest and principal, on its bonds, effectively requiring Congress to provide sufficient authority for that purpose. Consistent with its obligations under Section Four, Congress should promptly increase the debt ceiling, but with one key caveat: The increase can be used only for borrowing to service existing obligations.

REPEAT:

The increase can be used only for borrowing to service existing obligations.

By anchoring this action in a specific constitutional obligation, Congress would make it difficult, if not impossible, for the Obama administration to oppose this resolution of the debt-ceiling battle.

REPEAT:

By anchoring this action in a specific constitutional obligation, Congress would make it difficult, if not impossible, for the Obama administration to oppose this resolution of the debt-ceiling battle.

(At the same time, Congress should reclaim immediate control of the issuance of all other new debt obligations.)

The Constitution gives Congress power over the national purse, permitting it to tax, to spend and "to borrow money on the credit of the United States."

From the time of the founding until the passage of the First Liberty Bond Act in 1917, Congress itself voted on each and every new government bond issue, specifying the amount to be borrowed and the terms involved.

REPEAT:

From the time of the founding until the passage of the First Liberty Bond Act in 1917, Congress itself voted on each and every new government bond issue, specifying the amount to be borrowed and the terms involved.

Today, exercise of this power has been delegated to the Treasury Department, which generally can borrow up to the debt limit.

[T]his practice can easily be changed.

REPEAT:

[T]his practice can easily be changed.

It wouldn't even be necessary to repeal the existing "debt ceiling" statutory framework, an action that President Obama might well veto. Congress can simply refuse to use it. In other words, Congress cannot renege on debt already incurred, but it can condition, decrease and even stop issuance of new U.S. debt.

NAN - YOU'RE FOLLOWING ALL THIS - RIGHT...? BOEHNER IS AWARE OF ALL THIS - RIGHT....?!?!

This strategy would put Congress's fiscal conservatives very much back in the driver's seat.

(*NOD*)

The need for new government borrowing is constant; currently nearly 40 cents of every dollar the government spends is borrowed. Anytime Congress and the president cannot agree on how new borrowing should be accomplished (and for what purposes), and what additional spending cuts should be implemented to avoid increasing the nation's overall debt burden, spending will simply be cut across the board by 40%. That is one very big incentive for agreement.

AGAIN, NAN... PRETTY ELEMENTARY STUFF! (MAKES SENSE TO ME!)

Of course, were Congress to reclaim this authority and separately approve each new U.S. debt issue, it would once again be directly responsible for government borrowing in a way that it has avoided for nearly 100 years.

(*NOD*) (*APPROVING NOD*)

With political power comes political accountability.

(*ANOTHER APPROVING NOD*)

[T]hat, more than anything else, is what the voters who brought a Republican majority back to the House of Representatives wanted.

YES...!

YES!.. YES!... YES!

This true type of fiscal responsibility would also be far more consistent with the vision of our Founders. They believed that public borrowing was an important governmental tool, but one that should be used sparingly on discreet occasions. As Thomas Jefferson once wrote, "no generation can contract debts greater than may be paid in the course of its own existence."

(*SOLEMN NOD*)

Today, we are spending with abandon and burdening generations to come. It is up to Congress to end this perfidious practice.

YEEESSS...!!!

Barker's Newsbites: Thursday, May 12, 2011

The Original Hope and Change...

Barker's Newsbites: Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Say what you will, it's one hell of a music video!

Barker's Newsbites: Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Give us real hope...

Barker's Newsbites: Monday, May 9, 2011

So... do you prefer this version... or... this version?

Weekend Newsbites: Sat. & Sun., May 7 & 8, 2011

In honor of Little Craig's Holy Communion!

Barker's Newsbites: Friday, May 6, 2011

Barker's Science Experiment

O.K., so yesterday...

(And that's the key here, folks... yesterday...)

...I made myself a bit of egg salad.

Part of my egg salad recipe is - of course - bacon.

(By the way... we use turkey bacon here at Chateau Barker.)

So... anyway... yesterday morning while preparing my egg salad (enough for two servings) I nuked (rather than fried) the bacon.

Meanwhile... I prepared the egg salad as the bacon was being nuked.

Then... I ate half the egg salad, saving the other half for today.

Now, folks... notice anything missing from this sequence of events...?

That's right...! When last we saw our beautiful bacon it was being irradiated! (Ah... but what happened next...?!?!)

And here we come to Barker's Science Experiment!

This morning when I awoke my beloved bride informed me that she hadn't made my coffee because there was still a cup from the other day left over.

Now, folks... waste not, want not is my credo. So... I asked my beloved to please pour and nuke that remaining cup for me and in addition make me another pot.

Can you guess what comes next, folks...?

Yep! You guessed it! I'm in the bathroom brushing my teeth when Mary comes in behind me with a plate in her hands... a plate that appears to hold folded over paper towels.

Yep! My bacon! From yesterday...!

It seems that in my hast yesterday morning, I had forgotten to open the microwave, take out the cooked bacon, and add it to my egg salad. (Hey... out of sight, out of mind; next time I'll be sure to use a frying pan!)

So... what would a sane person do at this point?

(YES...! OBVIOUSLY...! A SANE PERSON WOULD THROW OUT THE NEAR-24-HOUR-OLD BACON!)

But, folks... we're talking me... not so sane...

What do I do? I re-nuke the bacon! Re-wrapping the previously cooked bacon in fresh paper towel, I re-nuke the bacon for 2 minutes. (I figure that will kill any bacteria...)

After re-nuking the bacon, I crumble it into the remaining egg salad and...

I EAT IT...!

May God have mercy on my soul... and my digestive track.

I do have a bit of a cast-iron stomach. We'll see! If I die... it's been great knowing all of you!

Barker's Newsbites: Thursday, May 5, 2011

Now here's something you don't come across every day!

Barker's Newsbites: Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Just a man and his tractor...!

Same Ol' Tax Rant... With Feelin'...!!!

Die...!!!

DIE! DIE! DIE! YOU GRAVY SUCKING PIGS...!!!

JUST DIE...!!!

Now as you all know, I take pride in my "getting the most bang for the buck" skills. As the soon to be late, in his own mind great Charlie Sheen would say...

Winning...

DUH...!!!

So here's the deal: Today - for the first time ever - I used Price Line to successfully bid upon a rental car Mary and I will be needing for our upcoming (Second Annual...) Charleston, South Carolina trip to see Pat, Vicki, and the boys.

We're flying Spirit into Myrtle Beach and driving down to Charleston from there. (Our best airfares are LGA-MYR on Spirit... more on that later.)

Anyway... I know what car rental rates are... what they should be... what deals are available... yadda, yadda, yadda. Bottom line, with the outrageous taxes and fees tacked on for renting at the airport (which I'll get to... which are the point of this post...), I knew what I was shooting for - namely - under $200... all taxes and fees included.

We're talking a full-size car... four door sedan... seating for 5-passengers... plenty of room for luggage... yadda, yadda, yadda.

Anyway... I place my bid with Price Line... $17 a day for a full-size sedan... and the bid was accepted.

(Frankly, I'm fairly confident that I could save a few more bucks if I were to keep "playing," but to be totally honest... even the big bad car rental companies have to make money and from where I sit... $17 a day for a full-size sedan is a fair price.)

O.K., folks... so now we get to the ground zero of this Bill Rant...

We're talking $17 times 7 days. That's $119.

Yet...

Total charges amount to $199.94

WTF...?!?!

Well... the way we get from $119 to $199.94 is simple... disgusting... outrageous... abusive... figuratively criminal... but in the final analysis... simple.

To the fair and reasonable $17 a day rate...

(*DRUM ROLL*)

...government adds $80.94 in taxes and "fees."

(*TAPPING MY FOOT AS MY BLOOD PRESSURE SKYROCKETS*)

Do you understand what this amounts to, folks...???

WE'RE TALKING 68%... SIXTY-EIGHT FRIGG'N PERCENT... IN TAXES AND "FEES."

Tell me it's not time... not long past time... where we who cling to our bibles and guns...

(Oh... forget it... you guys get the general idea...)

Oh... and before I forget... let's return to my flight deal...

Total airfare - with taxes and fees - for two round-trip tickets LGA-MYR... $254.80; that works out to $127.40 per person.

Can't beat that, right...? I mean... I guess it's possible, but that's a damn good deal, right...?

The only thing is... the airfare alone... it's only $90 per person! The rest... $37.40... that's taxes!

Taking out the ol' calculator... that gives us... a tax rate of 42%.

Folks... a 42% tax rate is beyond unreasonable... a 68% tax rate is beyond obscene.

It's gotta end, folks... it's gotta. One way or another... it's gotta end. I fear when the American People reach their breaking point - which is coming - it's not gonna end well... not well at all for those responsible for these outrages.

Barker's Newsbites: Tuesday, May 3, 2011

How's this for a blast from the past...?!?!

Barker's Newsbites: Monday, May 2, 2011

Never forget...

Osama bin Ladin

Osama bin Ladin is dead... and that's good.

Is the "war against terror" over. No.

Is it better to have bin Ladin dead rather than alive... f--k yeah!

Does President Obama "get the credit?" Well... he's taken it. You be the judge, though.

Let me give President Obama one huge back-slap of "congratulation, good work, great call" for ordering - or at least authorizing - bin Ladin's burial at sea. Smart move.

(And even smarter if this whole business about bin Ladin being dead is a blind and we've actually captured the son of a bitch and are right now interrogating him!)

As to President Obama pulling the plug in March with regard to bombing bin Ladin's compound in favor of waiting... it was a huge gamble and luckily for Barak Obama - and the country - one which the president - and the country - won.

Ultimately, though, the people who truly deserve the "credit" for "getting" Osama bin Ladin are the men and women on the ground - the military, CIA, NSA - the folks who actually located Osama bin Ladin.

If the Obama administration has been doing anything different than the Bush administration did in term of "the hunt for bin Ladin" I'm not aware of it. But, hey... if it turns out that the Obama administration - specifically Leon Panetta at CIA or any of the other Obama intelligence/national security appointees - was doing something "different" than what the Bush administration did in pursuit of bin Ladin... then certainly I'll hail Obama as the man who got it done.

(Folks... understand... I didn't give Bush personal "credit" for "getting" Saddam Hussein. (It was the military... I'm guessing that no matter who was president, given the same orders, the same mission... our forces would have "gotten" Hussein.)

Anyway... "getting" Osama bin Ladin - finally - is a big win for the nation.