O.K. This is kinda funny...
This summer, following Joe’s retirement after 40 years working at the local plant, his wife decided that “together for better or worse” meant frequent joint shopping trips to the local Wal-Mart.
Turns out... “worse” won out.
Yesterday Joe's wife received the following letter from her local Wal-Mart:
Dear Mrs. Bloe,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. Regretfully, we cannot tolerate this behavior any longer and must hereby and henceforth ban him from our establishment. Our complaints against your husband are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:
June 15 - Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.
July 2 - Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
August 4 - Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.
August 19 - Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to the carpeted area of our "Specials for Seniors" department.
September 14 - Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
September 30 - While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the sales associate in a quivering voice where the antidepressants were.
October 3 - Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
November 16 - In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" by using different sizes of funnels as... err... physical enhancement devices.
November 28 - Hid in a clothing rack and as customers browsed through randomly kept on thrusting his arm through the coats while yelling "PICK ME! PICK ME!"
December 9 - Whenever an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"
And last, but not least...
December 20 - Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled out very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"
* Hat tip to Drunk'n Cousin Bernie from Philly
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1 comment:
You laugh but my father had a tough time adjusting to retirement. He got banned from the local supermarket after repeated complaints and trheatned lawsuits over five cent discounts and the lack of arugula.
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